An excerpt of a letter…

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…“Do you still love me?”  It’s a question only you can answer for yourself.  If it is still there, how do we let it shape us and mold us into bringing out the best of ourselves.

I’d like to think that our love was a precious rarity that is like no other.  I have no doubt that given the right time, it would have flourished into something that overflows love.  Not just towards one another but to those around as well.

For now, though I am no longer in your life, I do hope I’m still a part of your love.  Not to hold you back or to create doubt… but one that reminds that there is someone out there that wants nothing more than the best for you… even if he can’t be there with you.  That there’s someone who desires for you the greatest of life’s joys… though he can’t share them with you.  That there’s someone who wants you to be the greatest inspiring version of yourself… that there’s someone who’s utmost desire is for your joy to be made complete… and with that truth, a joy and a smile to carry in your pocket on both sunny and rainy days….

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Justification or Judgement…

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I’ve spent much time on the web trying to sort out the struggles of an affair in the context of those who follow Christ.

It goes without saying that Adultery is against what God has in mind for us.  Anyone who has gone through it can account the hurt and pain that it will inevitably lead to regardless of the result.

In my search, there is very little of one’s personal struggles with loving someone else.  Instead, the web is often filled with advice… some good, some bad.  Some ignorant of the immense emotional difficulty involved with those who have been divided in their love.

For example: I follow Christ…. the immediate response from some would be “do you really?”  No different than those who struggle with their inadequacies or their follies, we all struggle with the things that separate us from God…our sin.

2nd, there is very little insight in terms of how a person struggles with an affair.   What are the emotions involved?  The coping strategies?  What happens to those who decide to stop their affair?  What happens to those who decide to take their affair into a new marriage, leaving behind the old?  What are the end result?

I ask this as this is a question that many who are married but in love with someone else will ask:  Can I leave and marry the one I love?

Having been a part of many weddings (helper, as a vocation, bridal party), I’ve seen many great marriages and sadly, multiple failed ones in the few years since my generation starting to get married.

One stands out where a good friend was involved with a married man.  Eventually they married, had a child and have moved on to be happy together (at least from my perspective).  Our friends have accepted this new man and he’s been a great addition to our group.  They live in what appears to many, a marriage that can work when you leave your old marriage behind through an affair.

On the other end, there are those who leave the affair to rebuild and flourish their marriage.

And in the middle, there are those who leave or don’t leave their marriage, only to find themselves in a struggle.  This may be the norm.  This may not… It is what I personally go through and I have no doubt that there are many others that experience the same.

Around 5 years ago, I was met with an intimate question…”stay…”  Stay with the one whom I love.  In that moment, you disregard the consequences (leaving the marriage) and simply desire to keep the love of your life close at hand.  In tears, I reluctantly hesitated to answer which was the beginning of what would lead to the loss of our relationship.  Since that moment, I am met with the biggest regret of my life… I lost her …

 

 

The beginnings of something special…

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It was 2007.

I was newly married to someone who had always been there for me for years on end.

After 8 months of crammed wedding planning, a lot of time and resources, we were off to our new lives together.

Fast forward only a month later where I met her… someone else who I would eventually come to know as my love.

This is the beginnings of my reflections and struggles with what eventually became an affair/love/relationship.  I write as someone who has and continues to struggle through marriage.  I write as someone who follows Christ and only through Him have we continued to maintain our relationship.  It’s been 7 years since I had met my love… and as much as I’d like to forget, I come to realize that she is the love of my life.