I’ve spent much time on the web trying to sort out the struggles of an affair in the context of those who follow Christ.
It goes without saying that Adultery is against what God has in mind for us. Anyone who has gone through it can account the hurt and pain that it will inevitably lead to regardless of the result.
In my search, there is very little of one’s personal struggles with loving someone else. Instead, the web is often filled with advice… some good, some bad. Some ignorant of the immense emotional difficulty involved with those who have been divided in their love.
For example: I follow Christ…. the immediate response from some would be “do you really?” No different than those who struggle with their inadequacies or their follies, we all struggle with the things that separate us from God…our sin.
2nd, there is very little insight in terms of how a person struggles with an affair. What are the emotions involved? The coping strategies? What happens to those who decide to stop their affair? What happens to those who decide to take their affair into a new marriage, leaving behind the old? What are the end result?
I ask this as this is a question that many who are married but in love with someone else will ask: Can I leave and marry the one I love?
Having been a part of many weddings (helper, as a vocation, bridal party), I’ve seen many great marriages and sadly, multiple failed ones in the few years since my generation starting to get married.
One stands out where a good friend was involved with a married man. Eventually they married, had a child and have moved on to be happy together (at least from my perspective). Our friends have accepted this new man and he’s been a great addition to our group. They live in what appears to many, a marriage that can work when you leave your old marriage behind through an affair.
On the other end, there are those who leave the affair to rebuild and flourish their marriage.
And in the middle, there are those who leave or don’t leave their marriage, only to find themselves in a struggle. This may be the norm. This may not… It is what I personally go through and I have no doubt that there are many others that experience the same.
Around 5 years ago, I was met with an intimate question…”stay…” Stay with the one whom I love. In that moment, you disregard the consequences (leaving the marriage) and simply desire to keep the love of your life close at hand. In tears, I reluctantly hesitated to answer which was the beginning of what would lead to the loss of our relationship. Since that moment, I am met with the biggest regret of my life… I lost her …
An Affair or Relationship? 